How to Lose a Man in 30 Seconds

So, my friends (Mary, Kayla, and Kathryn) and I do crazy things when we’re tired and together. Tonight, we started randomly coming up with ways to be super creeps to men. These are a few of our many ways to Lose a Man in 30 Seconds:

  1. Say, “So, that girlfriend in your profile picture from three years ago… Where is she now? Is she prettier than me? … You paused! You still have feelings for her, don’t you? I CAN SEE IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE!”
  2. Demand that he walks you to class. “HOLD ME! WALK ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!!!!”
  3. Say, “So, I’m changing my major because we don’t have enough classes together. We need to have all of our classes together. We need to spend all of our time together.”
  4. When you’re in the supermarket shout, “WOLF WHISTLE! WOLF WHISTLE!” And, when he asks what you’re doing say, “I can’t whistle, sexy.”
  5. Tattoo his name on your forehead.
  6. Declare your undying love after three hours.
  7. After he asks you out, run around yelling, “ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!”
  8. On the first date, name all of your future children
  9. On your first date, hand him a piece of paper and say, “This is my application to be your wife.”
  10. If you get to date number 2, sit him down and start planning your wedding, how many children you’re going to have, and where you’re going to retire.
  11. On the third date (if he’s crazy enough to go for it), demand to know where your ring is.
  12. Demand he address you as “Buttercups” and only answer to that.
  13. Demand flowers on Thursdays because “it’s the first time you laid eyes on him through his window”.
  14. Demand chocolates every other Tuesday because that’s the day you stalk him on Facebook.
  15. Right before he leans in for the kiss, say, “Oh snap! I forgot my pills!”
  16. Walk up to him and say, “Don’t fall in love with me. I’m crazy.”
  17. Stare deep into his eyes and say, “I can feel your positive energy, and we’re meant to be together because it balances out my negative energy.”
  18. Tell him that your life goal is to beat the Duggars in the number of children you have.
  19. Stare deep into his eyes and, when he asks what’s wrong, whisper, “I can see your soul.”
  20. As soon as he asks you out, say, “Can we make it Facebook official? Cause the only reason I’m dating you is so I don’t ¬†look as lonely on Facebook.”
  21. When he says, “Happy One Year Anniversary!” Say, “Well, actually, it’s five years for me.”

Written by me, Mary, Kayla, and Kathryn :)

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