New Blog!

Darling Creepers,

Because I love you, I’ve finally gotten around to telling you that I’ve moved my blog over to¬†Life Where He Leads, and I’d love to see you over there!

I’m also way better at posting pretty regularly on there than I ever was on here.

There’s a lot of new stuff, and I’m going to bring over some updated and edited stuff from this blog, so even if it’s familiar, stick around because it won’t be for long.

So much love,

Me

Consider This Smoke Signals

Darling Creepers (read: Parents),

I am still alive. Don’t worry.

I know I haven’t called you. Or texted you. Or emailed you. Or written letters. Or used smoke signals. But I’m still breathing, and the trusty heart is still doing its thing!

I haven’t quite died of exhaustion, studying, and general life without you yet. This is probably only because Twin and Turtle cook for me, though. Otherwise I’d be a super-dead, gross, starved thing.

Also, because of the rule that I have to wear evil, nasty pants in all common areas, I think I’m becoming more acclimatized to wearing pants. Sure, after a full day of being out and about with people and classes and things, the only thing I can think about is going home and taking my pants off, but I’m actually wearing sweatpants in common areas now. I’m calling it an improvement. I know Twin and Turtle are thankful.

School is still bluh. It will always be bluh because I’ve passed the years of nap time, crayons, and glitter.

But let’s think about this for a minute – I think I would learn everything I’m learning a whole lot better if there were snacks and glue sticks involved. I’m not really sure how to fit stickers and coloring books in with learning about the intrapartum period of pregnancy (gross), but I’m sure a creative teacher could figure it out.

Also, I just wanted to let you know that, if you ever want grandchildren, they’re going to have to come from one of your other children. I have learned waaaaaaay too much in the past few weeks about what those tiny monsters do to your body to ever willingly let one steal half my blood supply and feng shui my vital organs.

Uh-uh. Ain’t happening.

And Twin won’t be having any kids either if I can ever get her to listen to my dire warnings. Those things are nasty. And they smell funny.

Princess Sweet Beans is your only hope. Not that he can ever have kids personally, but you know, he might get married one day. Maybe?

It might be best just to not count on grandkids?

At least I’m warning you now…

Anyway. That was a little off topic.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m still kicking, things are going great, I’m tired, I miss you, and I still like you a whole lot.

And, you know, it’s really a good thing that I haven’t been writing here.

I write to order my thoughts. I write when things don’t make sense. I write when I’m overwhelmed and I need to understand things. I write because my brain is all sorts of jumbled up, and if I can just get it all out somewhere in a cohesive manner, I can make sense of it. I write because my brain is not always my friend, and it doesn’t always make a lot of sense.

If I can write something, I can understand it. If I can jump inside it and accurately map out my thoughts, I can successfully navigate myself through them. That’s part of why my thoughts don’t always seem finished – they’re not. I’m still trying to find my way through them.

So why am I writing tonight? Because tonight I’m a little homesick, and I didn’t want to call you at 10:30 at night. You’d probably panic and assume that I was either dead or in jail for trespassing (I haven’t done that any this semester so far. No worries.) when I just wanted to chat about normal things.

So I’ll probably have another cup of coffee and study some more, then go to bed. I had a test this morning that was really awful, and I’ve got my first OB test next Wednesday. Not looking forward to that.

So I need to study. And I should probably go to bed sometime tonight. But I definitely need to water my plants. Poor creatures.

But don’t worry. The semester’s getting all kinds of busy, so I’ll be writing a lot more here soon.

All this to say, I love you, I miss you, and I’ll probably call you soon!

Love,

Your favorite daughter (It’s okay to admit it. We all know it’s true.)

The Benevolent Dictator of The World

I have a plan. (Please read this as though I’m Rapunzel singing, “I’ve got a dreeeeaaaaammmmmm!!!!!!!!” It’s the same feeling.)

I’ve decided I’m going to be completely open with the world and lay out my plans. This way, when they come to fruition, my first speech from my new position can be, “See!!! I told you so!”

It’ll be so satisfying. My fabulous hair will contribute to that feeling.

So, here goes –

I’m going to become the benevolent dictator of the world.

Please stop laughing at me.

I’m serious.

And you! Yes, you. You know I’m talking about you. Stop looking so concerned. I said “benevolent” for a reason.

Maybe.

Maybe you should all be very concerned.

Ooh! So much mystery!

Really though, my plan is to totally take over the world. All of it. And then I’ll declare myself the Ruler of the Known and Unknown Universe.

My full title that will have to read at all state events will be Katie, Ruler of the Known and Unknown Universe, Benevolent Dictator of All of Earth, Queen of All Those Other Less-significant Planets, Protector of the Small, Slayer of Very Small, Non-fire-breathing Dragons, Planter of Gardens, Killer of Plants, Eater of Food, The Great, The Wonderful, The Best Ever Created.

There will be a lot of state events.

I will have a unique legal system. I have already begun to implement it. I will give out points for good behavior and remove points for bad behavior. I alone will be allowed to bestow and remove points.

If you have a certain number of points (a number yet to be determined), you will be allowed to live another year. If your number of points drops below a certain point, you will be removed from Earth.

I have yet to determine which planet these people will be removed to, but, suffice to say, the planet will probably suffer because most of its inhabitants will have terrible fashion sense.

Until people can safely fly around the stars on pleasure cruises, we will use a giant catapult to fling awful people into space and hope they hit the target planet. All people being flung will be equipped with a goldfish bowl for a helmet and cheez-its for in-flight snacks.

I will fully fund the space program. I want to be able to explore my domain. And I want to have a summer home on a star that’s not the Sun.

And I will declare Pluto a planet again. The poor creature’s been abused for too long. Don’t worry, Pluto. I still believe.

I will support the arts, but I will not support terrible plays/movies, confusing paintings, and gross music. Those who produce such things will be removed. Immediately.

There are a lot of people who are going to have to either change jobs or go visit another planet.

There will be no more war, because I will rule everything, and I don’t usually fight with myself. Usually.

Also, no one will want to rebel because I’ll create awesome, mandatory holidays like Cookie Day, which will keep everyone so happy.

And I’ll be giving all the people I don’t like a free ride on my Space Catapult very early in the game.

People will be encouraged to sing and dance about their feelings. This will create harmony (sometimes quite literally) and an amazing ability to improvise dances.

I will always be completely honest with my loyal subjects, and I won’t spend ridiculous amounts of money on things like clothes because I only wear jeans and t-shirts. And I loathe pants.

I will also declare that it is perfectly acceptable to go places barefoot. Now, it’s not always healthy, but everyone knows toes just love to breath without being cramped up in foot-jail all day.

There are times shoes will be necessary. Those places will be posted as shoe-wearing zones.

And you better follow the postings or you’ll be removed (think: the space catapult).

These are the very basics of my plans. I’m always happy to answer questions about this subject like “Are we all going to die?” and “Are you an evil genius?” and “Where have you been all my life?”

If you have any thoughts or concerns, please feel free to ask. I’ll do my best to answer when I can. I take my future position very seriously and would appreciate it if you would too.

Good night. And I can’t wait to say, “Told you so!!!”